One of the most important things to beginning or maintaining a healthy relationship is good communication. You've likely heard this so many times that it feels really boring and stupid.
Or maybe you've heard the phrase "good communication" over and over again but no one has ever really explained or showed you what that looks like.
Well my friends, let's dive in together!
Well my friends, let's dive in together!
Too many GIF's?..................Nah
Below are 5 of the most valuable communication tools out there.
Using these can help you get through even the toughest communication blocks and on to happier, or at least clearer, times.
This is the stuff that helps to mend weathered ties!
1.) MIRRORING: Mirroring allows the other person to be heard. It helps you to keep your focus on what the person is saying and not solely on your response. It also helps prevent messages from being skewed by your internal filter (i.e. feelings of low self-esteem, shame, negative self talk, blame, etc.).
1st: Reflect back what you heard the person say.
“What I heard you say is…”
“If I am hearing you correctly, you said…”
2nd: Ask if your perception was accurate.
“Did I get that?”
“Is there more?”
2.) VALIDATING: Validating is not necessarily agreeing. Validating is allowing someone to FEEL their feelings.
“I can imagine how you would see it that way."
"From your perspective that makes sense.”
“I can understand that.”
“That makes sense to me because…” (Keep this short)
Avoid communication blocks like
“Don’t be angry.”
“Don’t be sad”
3.) EMPATHIZING: Empathizing is “taking a walk in their shoes”. Avoid mind reading and ask or suggest instead.
“You must feel…”
“Do you feel….?”
“I honestly don’t know what you are going through, but I can imagine that
you might be feeling…”
Avoid the communication block of :
Telling the person, “I know exactly how you feel”. No one can truly know exactly how another feels as each journey is unique.
Storytelling or “one-upping”. Try to validate and empathize instead.
4.) SHARING: Describe the feelings the other person’s comments evoke in you with an “I” Statement. Share your feelings, needs, and expectations, not just your thoughts. Have the COURAGE to be vulnerable and to share your heart. Be non-defensive as defenses only create WALLS between you and those you care about.
“I feel… as you tell me that.” or “I feel… because… and I need…”
Avoid the communication block of :
“Blaming” statements like: “You make me feel…”
5.) QUESTIONING: Try asking questions rather than telling or lecturing. Allow them to think and share what they have learned. Adopt an interview rather than an interrogation style. Use questioning to find out how they FEEL, THINK and what is truly in their HEART.
“What do you feel is healthy for you and our relationship?”
“What do you need from me?”
“Do you think (insert person, place, thing, experience, etc.) is working?”
Avoid communication blocks of :
“You need to…”
“You should…”
Shaming or guilt tripping
Using these can help you get through even the toughest communication blocks and on to happier, or at least clearer, times.
This is the stuff that helps to mend weathered ties!
1.) MIRRORING: Mirroring allows the other person to be heard. It helps you to keep your focus on what the person is saying and not solely on your response. It also helps prevent messages from being skewed by your internal filter (i.e. feelings of low self-esteem, shame, negative self talk, blame, etc.).
1st: Reflect back what you heard the person say.
“What I heard you say is…”
“If I am hearing you correctly, you said…”
2nd: Ask if your perception was accurate.
“Did I get that?”
“Is there more?”
2.) VALIDATING: Validating is not necessarily agreeing. Validating is allowing someone to FEEL their feelings.
“I can imagine how you would see it that way."
"From your perspective that makes sense.”
“I can understand that.”
“That makes sense to me because…” (Keep this short)
Avoid communication blocks like
“Don’t be angry.”
“Don’t be sad”
3.) EMPATHIZING: Empathizing is “taking a walk in their shoes”. Avoid mind reading and ask or suggest instead.
“You must feel…”
“Do you feel….?”
“I honestly don’t know what you are going through, but I can imagine that
you might be feeling…”
Avoid the communication block of :
Telling the person, “I know exactly how you feel”. No one can truly know exactly how another feels as each journey is unique.
Storytelling or “one-upping”. Try to validate and empathize instead.
4.) SHARING: Describe the feelings the other person’s comments evoke in you with an “I” Statement. Share your feelings, needs, and expectations, not just your thoughts. Have the COURAGE to be vulnerable and to share your heart. Be non-defensive as defenses only create WALLS between you and those you care about.
“I feel… as you tell me that.” or “I feel… because… and I need…”
Avoid the communication block of :
“Blaming” statements like: “You make me feel…”
5.) QUESTIONING: Try asking questions rather than telling or lecturing. Allow them to think and share what they have learned. Adopt an interview rather than an interrogation style. Use questioning to find out how they FEEL, THINK and what is truly in their HEART.
“What do you feel is healthy for you and our relationship?”
“What do you need from me?”
“Do you think (insert person, place, thing, experience, etc.) is working?”
Avoid communication blocks of :
“You need to…”
“You should…”
Shaming or guilt tripping
One of the most helpful and sometimes most difficult things you can do to communicate well is to be vulnerable. This means that you share honestly and openly about how you're really feeling. Sometimes it's incredibly scary to let someone see behind the mask that we all wear around others. But doing so not only lets people love you for who you really are, it invites them to take their mask off too. Vulnerability is one of the greatest gifts you can give another person. So if someone shares their vulnerability with you, treat it with care.